


The Anti-Snake Pit

by Trickster_Angel



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 22:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9037877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster_Angel/pseuds/Trickster_Angel
Summary: Wash has to pass his initiation to become a true Freelancer. Will he have what it takes?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sassyandsodone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassyandsodone/gifts).



> For sassyandhotashell. Thank you for helping me edit Drumming Song. Merry Christmas.

“Wash, wake up." Someone was shaking Wash’s shoulder but he didn’t want to move. It felt like he’d only just gone to bed. No way it was time for training yet.

“Wash, come on.” Wash finally opened his eyes. He could just make out Agents North Dakota and New York staring at him. They were both dressed in their pajamas so he couldn’t be late for training yet.

“What’s going on?” he said but it sounded like a slurred mess. He was tired.

“It’s your initiation, Wash,” Agent New York said with a smile, “Come on.” Both men grabbed his arms and dragged him out of bed. He yawned as he stepped out of his room and into the hallway. One of the nice things about his promotion was the fact that he didn’t have to share a room anymore.

“Where are we going?” Wash asked slightly more coherently. Agents New York and North Dakota flashed devilish grins his way. Wash was starting to feel nervous.

“To the training room,” Agent New York said.

“Why?”

“Your initiation,” Agent North Dakota said.

“What initiation?”

“You’ll see,” Agent New York said and he laughed to himself. Even Agent North Dakota giggled. Wash had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

They brought him to the training room.

“Should I be in my power armor?” Wash asked, confused.

“You won’t need it,” Agent New York said with a smile. He handed him one of the paint guns they practiced with.

“Thanks,” Wash said, “Is this sparring?”

“No, you’re going up against some mongooses,” Agent North Dakota said.

“I’m gonna fight cars?” Wash asked, voice squeaking on the last word, “With a paint gun? You should probably know I don’t do well against cars.”

“Who said that?” Agent New York said. He and Agent North Dakota exchanged a smile. Wash knew something was very wrong.

“Good luck,” Agent North Dakota said as they exited through the locker room. Wash was alone.

He looked around the training room floor, anxiety rising every second. They wanted him to fight several cars? Alone? Without his power armor and armed with nothing but a paint gun? What kind of initiation was this? The Freelancers were crazy!

The other door opened slowly. Wash swallowed hard, waiting for his opponent. But there was no engines revving or sounds of a car. Instead, he heard squeaking.

Wash tightened his grip on the gun and aimed it at the door. He realized his hand was shaking. He would never be able to aim like this. He braced himself, waiting for his opponent to appear.

A swarm of mongooses ran out the door, scampering towards him.

Wash screamed.

* * *

“Advantage: Mongooses.”

“Is it mongooses or mongeese?” York asked. He could barely be heard above the laughter of the other freelancers and Wash’s screams. He was clearly heard even on the training room floor. A gunshot punctuated their laughter but that only made them laugh harder.

“FILS just said mongooses,” South snapped at him. She looked rather disheveled but it was the middle of the night. But even then, she had a smile on her face. She turned away from York to look back at the scene going on below them. Wash had been trampled by the mongooses, who were chewing on his pajamas as he tried to randomly shoot the gun. A few mongooses were covered in paint but there were many more that were not.

“Just listen to him scream,” Florida said.

“How will he be able to handle a battle when he cannot deal with a few rodents?” Wyoming added.

“He’ll be ready,” Carolina replied. She was actually smiling and enjoying the show. She was usually such a stick-in-the-mud but on initiation night, she was all smiles.

They all watched the little show. Wash still hadn’t managed to get the mongooses off him but he was still screaming. He must have good lungs to be screaming for so long. This had to be the best initiation they’d ever done.

“Agents!” Everyone stopped laughing. That was a voice they’d all recognize in a heartbeat. They all turned around slowly and sure enough, the Director was standing there with the Counselor at his side. A silent “oh shit” passed through the group. Wash was still screaming in the background.

The Director had a confused look on his face as the screaming became clearer. “What, pray tell, if going on right now?”

They all looked at one another, to see which of them would be the one to bite the bullet. Carolina stepped forward. “Training, sir.”

“Training for what?”

“An attack by mongooses, sir.”

“Is Agent Washington fighting a car?” the Director said, moving to the window. And when he looked at the scene below, his expression changed from pissed off to utterly confused. His eyebrows knitted together and his mouth opened slightly. He just watched the scene going on below. Wash was _still_ screaming.

The Counselor looked out the window as well, then back at the Director with a small smile. “She was not lying, sir.”

That was enough to break him out of his reverie. He turned back around to face the agents. “This is unacceptable behavior. I don’t know where the hell you got those animals but you all are going to round them up and then clean up any mess they made on the training room floor. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir!” the Freelancers replied.

“Good. Now get Agent Washington the hell out of there.” All of them left the room and went back down to the training room floor. It took longer than they cared to admit to round up all the mongooses and put them back in the cages they’d smuggled on board. Wash just lay on the floor, playing dead.

“Are you alright, Wash?” North asked.

In reply, Wash groaned. He opened his eyes and stood back up. His pajamas had been messed up and chewed on. His hair was a wreck and he had little bite marks everywhere. He looked about ready to either collapse into bed or die.

“Why?” he asked.

“Initiation,” South replied.

Wash groaned again.

“Don’t worry,” York said, “Now you’re one of us. And you can join us on C.T.’s initiation.”

“Are you gonna put her through this too?” Wash asked.

“No,” North replied, “Everyone goes through something different.”

“Great,” Wash said, “I’m going to bed.” He left everyone in the training room and walked away. No one stopped him.

“Do you think he hates us?” North asked.

“Nah, he’ll be right there with us for C.T.’s initiation,” York replied. After all, they’d all been through it before.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a misunderstanding between myself and sassyandhotashell. I hadn't seen the new episodes of RvB and she told me that Idaho blew up several mongooses. I thought at first she meant the animal. And thus, this was born.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Please leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed it. Happy Holidays. :)


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